Up The EnterprizeTM

A View from Below the Texas Health and Human Services Enterprize , Legislature and Other Stuff

Copyright © Up The Enterprize. All Rights Reserved 

​Texas Torrential Downpour Fund Drying Up

Search for Future Former-Executive

Commissioner Begins 

A.G. Paxton to Receive
Unemployment Insurance Payments
in Prison

While reading a super-confidential public tweet from the Texas Workforce Commission Unemployment Insurance Division (UI), Attorney General Ken Paxton learned that he would receive unemployment insurance payments while in prison for securities fraud. UpThe’s Russian reporter located the above tweet on the Inter-what.


Since the TWC tweet was tweeted, it has been confirmed that 1) Governor Greg Abbott still likes Ken Paxton and 2) “Love ya, Larry” is how TWC signs all of its official tweets. Other than that, we don’t have a clue who “Larry” is.


In July 2015, following a complaint by allegedly-swindled investors Joel Hochberg and Republican Texas House Representative Byron Cook, the innocent Mr. Paxton was indicted by a Texas grand jury on felony charges and failing to register properly with the Texas state securities board. Mr. Paxton asserts that he should not be required to register with the state securities board because his Collin County residence has a state-of-the-art monitoring system and lots of cameras and alarms.

The trial has been pushed back twice because of pretrial disputes, first over the venue, then the judge, and then the maid forgot to take the dry cleaning in and he didn’t have anything to wear.  

Willie Nelson and sister Jane, 1975.

Comptroller Glenn Hegar says that, without an infusion of new money to cover mounting liabilities, credit agencies are likely to downgrade Texas’ credit rating, which would make it more expensive for the state to borrow money.


Senator Jane Nelson, chair of the Senate Finance Committee encouraged Comptroller Hegar to tap into the Texas Diverted Funds Fund. “What happened to robbing Peter to pay Paul? Jeeeze,” she stated as a recent committee hearing. “And have we raised the fee for jaywalking lately? Last time I looked, it was only $300!”


“We have to get to work, people” she chastised her colleagues. “Those fees and penalties aren’t going to raise themselves!”

Comptroller Hegar contends that without addressing the state employee pension shortfall and mounting needs for public schools, health care and transportation, credit agencies are likely to downgrade Texas’ AAA rating in the near future.


“The AAA will be just fine,” Nelson scoffs, noting that she’s been a member of  Texas AAA ever since she got her driver’s license. “My brother Willie is a member too, ‘cause he’s always gettin’ lost and keeps running out of gas for some reason.” 

On the podium with Williams were former state Sen. Tommy Williams, who probably won’t mind the $266K, and Chief Deputy E.C. Cecile Erwin Young, both with the steely-eyed confidence of Alexander Haig after Reagan was shot (Google it.) Sen. Williams will lead HHSC on an interim basis, as opposed to Young who’s only been working in health and human services policy, programs and budgeting for 30 years.

The room hushed as former E.C. Smith approached the podium. "After nearly 30 years of service, it has been truly an honor. There is no higher calling than helping people in need," Smith said. “Wait. What?” 


Confused, Smith glanced at his notes to make sure they weren’t those of former E.C. Kyle Janek, who resigned 18 months ago. 

“We’re moving forward,” Carrie Williams, HHSC spokesperson yawned. “The departure of our beloved Executive Commissioner (E.C.) Smith presents opportunities to – blah, blah, blah.” Williams glanced at her notes to make sure they weren’t those of one of the dozen other senior HHSC executives who have resigned over the last year.

“Be assured that the Human Resources Division is adhering to HHSC’s That’s Just Great, We have to Hire Another Executive Commissioner manual,” Williams said. “We wish former E.C. Smith well, and are comforted to know that he’ll have no problem doubling his measly HHSC salary of $266K working for an consulting firm with better elevators and fewer rats.”

Please visit our website on your giant screen at www.uptheenterprize.com...lots o’ goodies.

Your Picture Here!